So close, yet so far
by absoluteotaku
Summary: Ichigo sees a familiar woman on the streets who shouldn't be there at all. He works up the courage to go up to her and sees it IS indeed her... but she doesn't remember him. What is this?


A/N: Hello~~~~~~~~ Long time no see X3 I'm so sorry I haven't written anything in so, so, so, so, very long DX Life has been too chaotic and busy these days. Luckily, I'm on a holiday (actually, I've been on holiday for a month now, but shhh XP) and I've found the time to post this oneshot. I will try my best to get some more stories posted before my life gets busy again when school starts!

Again, I apologize for not writing for so long. Please, do accept this as an apology ^^" This story hasn't been edited so if you find any mistakes, please tell me =D

Oh, and before I forget, I do not own Bleach... *Cries*

Enjoy~ ^^

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><p>Kurosaki Ichigo ran his hand through his orange locks, cursing the sun for working so hard so early in the day. Clicking his tongue in frustration, he got rid of the line of sweat sliding down his face with a quick swipe of his hand. Ichigo trudged sleepily in the direction of his school, occasionally wiping away some sweat.<p>

The sound of students discussing excitedly about the oncoming summer vacation reached Ichigo's ears and he realised he had unknowingly arrived at school. He cursed the heat again before heading toward the doors that lead to heaven – air-conditioned classrooms.

"Kurosaki-kun," a high-pitched voice called from behind. Ichigo turned to see Orihime waving and running toward him. Ichigo began to wave back but froze when he saw a familiar figure in the background.

"Sorry Inoue, I'll be back in a second," he apologized quickly and ran out the school gates. He scanned the streets but only found her just as she turned the corner and out of sight. _No… It can't be her…_ Ichigo thought in disbelief when he saw her face.

_But- she was right there!_ Another voice complained.

_It's not her! I'm seeing things due to this heat,_ the rational part of his brain refuted and Ichigo nodded in agreement.

_It's just the heat playing tricks... It's not her, it's not her…_ he repeated determinedly in his mind as he walked back to class on auto-pilot. The cold air hit him like an iceberg and he welcomed it.

During class, he mentally debated with himself whether who he saw was actually who he thought he saw… Ichigo ran his hand through his hair in frustration. _What is this!_

"Oi, Kurosaki," Uryuu's voice broke Ichigo's train of thought. Uryuu had walked up to Ichigo's desk during lunch break and was standing there with his arms crossed. "What happened that finally got your pea-sized brain working like that?"

"Nothing," Ichigo grumbled in reply without looking at the Quincy.

"Hmph," was all Uryuu's reaction. He pushed his glasses up his nose with his finger and walked away.

The orange head rested his chin atop his palm and looked out the window, pretending he didn't see the Quincy flip him the finger. Ichigo sighed and returned to his thoughts.

Perhaps it was Ichigo's delinquent-like reputation, or that he just didn't hear the teacher calling for him, he was left alone for the whole day. He wasn't sure if he was grateful for the lack of attention.

By the end of the day, he had a developing headache from all the thinking. That woman had not left his mind for one second that day and it was troubling him more than he'd wish to admit. While gathering his belongings into his schoolbag, he reassured himself once again that he had not really seen her. It was all the heat playing with his mind. The carrot-head nodded again and began his journey home.

However, he couldn't help but scan the streets on his walk, trying to find that person he had seen that morning. He slowed to a stop and rubbed his eyes in surprise when his efforts were rewarded. After a moment's hesitance, he broke into a run. Thoughts and memories ran through his mind at the speed of light.

_Maybe that hollow attack was just a dream – a nightmare – and didn't really happen at all…_ Ichigo found himself thinking but couldn't stop. _Maybe she just decided to go on a trip and just returned this morning or something. Maybe, just maybe, she will return to my – our – side and-_

"Um… Excuse me…?" the woman's soft voice took Ichigo's breath away. That gentle voice and that worried expression… Ichigo had missed those features of her more than he would ever dare admit. The urge to pull her into his arms and hug the daylights out of her overwhelmed him but he only let himself tighten his grip on her arm. When had she gotten so skinny? Or was it just because he had grown so much since he saw her last time all those years ago, when she was still _alive…_

"Okaa-san," Ichigo finally let those words leave his lips, his voice slightly wavering. It felt weird saying that word again after all those years. He didn't know what else to say. Seeing her again –alive –was all too good to be true.

Her honey-brown eyes widened, "Pardon? I think you've gotten the wrong person…"

Ichigo froze upon hearing those words. His hand fell to his side and he gritted his teeth. "Sorry, I thought you were someone else," he grumbled.

"It's alright," she laughed and ruffled his hair – just like how she had all those years ago – and it took all his willpower to not lean into the touch. "I hope you find your Okaa-san soon." She smiled lovingly at him before turning and walking away.

_Too good to be true…_ Ichigo repeated in his mind bitterly and restarted his walk home.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…_ He formed fists with his hands so tight that his nails cut through the palm of his skin but he didn't care. He scrunched his eyes and leaned against the wall. The coldness from the wall and the wounds on his palms paled in comparison to the pain from his heart. The image of his mother walking away from him appeared in his mind and he groaned, tightening his fists and making more blood flow out.

Ichigo didn't know how he did it, but when he emerged from his thoughts again he found he had walked home and was back in his room. Falling onto his bed, he stared emptily at the ceiling.

After seeing, and touching, her from such a close distance, it was safe to say he wasn't hallucinating. But it puzzled him how she had thought him, her very own son, was a stranger. She hadn't aged since he had last seen her so she couldn't have been alive all this time. However, she was far too old to have been a reincarnation of Ichigo's mother.

Ichigo growled in frustration. _What is happening? What is this? Okaa-san…_

"Ichi-nii…" Yuzu poked her head into his room and squeaked when she caught sight of his bleeding palms. "I-I'll go get the first-aid box!"

When Yuzu returned, she quickly cleaned his wounds and neatly wrapped them in bandages. "We'll have to get Papa to get a better look at those wounds… Ichi-nii, did you get into a fight? Where are these cuts from? What happened?" Yuzu asked worriedly and near tears.

Ichigo gazed at Yuzu blankly, "What happened indeed…?"

"Oi, Ichi-nii, snap out of it!" Karin grabbed his shoulders and shook him angrily. "Ichi-nii!"

"Sorry, Karin," Ichigo said apologetically and ruffled both of his sisters' hair. He gave them a smile. "Nothing is wrong…"

_Ding dong!_

All three heads turned to the general direction of their front door. Ichigo gripped his bandaged hands into fists when an ominous feeling washed over him.

"Coming!" Isshin's cheerful voice rang throughout the house as he rushed to the front door. His three children walked downstairs to see who the visitor was.

Ichigo's bad feeling was indeed there for a good reason.

Their open doorway revealed a woman wringing her hands.

"I'm so sorry for troubling you at this time, but, um… is this the Kurosaki house?"

"O-Okaa-san…?" the twins whispered in unison.

Yuzu's hands flew to her face, tears flowing from her eyes like a small river. Karin was shell-shocked at seeing their mother once again but that emotion was soon hidden by a well-practiced poker face.

The woman inclined her head when she saw the twins before seeing Ichigo. "Ah, you're that boy from before," she said to him, who stiffly nodded his head once. "Did you find your mother?"

"Wah…" Yuzu couldn't take it anymore, her hands barely muffling her wails.

"I'm sorry, did I come at a bad hour?"

"Yes, I mean, no, I mean… Yes, we are the Kurosaki household and no, you didn't come at a bad hour. Please, do come in," Isshin found his voice and shuffled away from the door. "Yuzu, I think it is better if you go to your room." Yuzu nodded and ran back to her room. Karin clicked her tongue before following after her crying twin.

Ichigo looked at his father incredulously. Shocked at how Isshin could behave so normally in front of his wife who had died all those years ago and was back in front of him, alive and breathing. Ichigo numbly trailed after his parents into the living room.

His mother was sitting at the table, looking around the room while clutching a steaming cup of green tea in her hands. Ichigo sat down beside his father at the opposite side of the table.

Isshin cleared his throat and began solemnly, "It was surprising to hear from Sou-Taichou and his news was equally, if not more, surprising to hear about you coming here."

"I'm really, deeply sorry for troubling you," she apologized and lowered her head.

"I didn't mean it in that sense," Isshin quickly said and she smiled in relief upon hearing those words. "Well, before we go any further, we better start our self-introductions. I am Kurosaki Isshin and this is my son, Ichigo."

"Ah, Ichigo-kun, the famous substitute shinigami everyone in Soul Society is talking about," she smiled at him. "My name is Masaki. I just recently joined the Gotei 13 and I am in charge of the Karakura area."

"Y-you're a shinigami?" Ichigo managed to choke out.

"Of course! Don't think for a second that I am a frail lady, I pack quite a punch," she replied confidently.

"Ah…" was all his reply.

'_Shinigami don't have memories of their life being alive as they need to treat each and every soul equally and those memories will just be a shortcut to breaking that rule,'_ he vaguely remembered someone telling him that.

Well, if Ichigo's mother was a shinigami, then her lack of aging and memories would make sense.

With the rational part of his mind satisfied, he wandered to the emotional part of his mind. And immediately wished he hadn't. The pain of seeing his mother in front of him once again, but not allowed to hug her like he used to killed him from the inside.

"Is that alright with you, Ichigo-kun?"

"W-what?"

Masaki laughed gently, "I was discussing with your father if it was alright if we worked together on keeping the hollows here in check. My tour of Karakura this morning made me realise the spiritual levels of this area is indeed quite high thus being very prone to hollow attacks."

"O-of course, anything you say…Ok... M… M-Masaki...san," Ichigo mumbled. It felt weird calling his mother by her first name and-

"I look forward to working here. Everyone one of you are so very kind. I'm sure your mother is very proud of you," Masaki smiled before standing up and bowing to them. "Sorry for troubling you, I shall take my leave."

"I'll walk you to the door," Isshin stood up quickly, his chair scraping against the floor. Ichigo stood up and followed them, still in a daze.

"Goodnight," Misaki bowed again when they reached the front door. She smiled warmly at both of them before walking off into the night.

"I need a smoke and a walk – a long, long walk. Don't wait for me to eat dinner," was all Isshin said before he disappeared off into the night.

Ichigo stood at the open doorway, looking at nothing in particular. His headache was back ten- no – a hundredfold.

_Okaa-san's soul was saved from that hollow attack and she has become a shinigami with no memories of living with us, being our mother, and is going to work together with us to keep Karakura safe... Okaa-san is alive and well… but I can't hug her anymore… she doesn't remember a thing about us… we can't return to our lives from before... and…_

It felt like his life was crumbling and falling into chaos once again.

What is he going to do? How is he going to face her from now? His mind was filled with so many questions and thoughts about her but not a single answer could be found.

Ichigo slid down to the floor, leaning against the doorway and welcoming the cold breeze of the night. He closed his eyes and lone tear escaped and slowly travelled down his cheek.

"Goodnight, Okaa-san..."

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><p>AN: Hope you enjoyed this oneshot =D Also, reviews make me super happy and motivate me to write more XD

Hopefully the next time I post won't be, like, half a year later! Hehe... =3

Oh, and Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you have a good one~ XP

Laters~ ^^


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